Ingredients

• 2 cups small cooked shrimp, lobster, or lump crabmeat, coarsely chopped (use any 1 of the crustaceans or a mix of all 3)
• Enough mayonnaise to bind (about 1/3 to 1/2 cup)
• Enough paprika so it doesn't look anemic
• At least 1/2 cup chopped red onion
• At least 1/2 cup parmesan
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Small scallop shells for serving
• 1/4 cup large salt-packed capers
• 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil

Instructions

1. Turn on broiler.
2. Mix all ingredients and—if this is 1959—put into scallop shells.
3. Run under broiler until brown and shiny, and serve with tiny cocktail forks. If you are less retro, put on any sturdy cracker or black bread.
4. Run under broiler. Invariably devoured.
5. The capers: Rinse capers and soak in fresh water. After 1/2 hour, change water and soak for another 1/2 hour. Remove capers and pat very dry. Heat oil and fry capers in 2 batches, until quite crisp and lightly browned, about 30 seconds each. Drain on paper towels and serve immediately. Garnish the above or just serve in a bowl.
6. Rinse capers and soak in fresh water. After 1/2 hour, change water and soak for another 1/2 hour. Remove capers and pat very dry.
7. Heat oil and fry capers in 2 batches, until quite crisp and lightly browned, about 30 seconds each.
8. Drain on paper towels and serve immediately.
9. Garnish the above or just serve in a bowl.